Just to grasp the lunacy of it all: CO₂, demon of the apocalypse, is one of the finest solvents for squeezing extra oil out of dying wells. The alchemy goes like this: they pump out oil and gas, use some of the gas to forge ammonia, pocket a fat stack of money because that conversion bleeds cash, then—brace yourself—they inject CO₂ back into the reservoir. Lo and behold, the well gushes again, and they collect another mountain of money just for the injection.
Artificial lift isn’t cheap; it’s a luxury sport. Especially with a premium solvent like CO₂, which costs a fortune to procure. But no worries—taxpayers and ratepayers now bankroll the privilege of juicing oil wells back to life.
This is genius of the darkest variety. If it hadn’t already been dreamed up, some cynical mastermind would have had to invent it. A perfect specimen of idiocracy: siphon public funds, pump more oil, and call it progress. Applause, please.